why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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