Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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