Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
