i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
