ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
