he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
