I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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