Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
