In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
