the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
