it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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