I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
