Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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