Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
