i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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