You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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