after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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