Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
