hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How does one acquire holy water?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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