you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
