I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
high people should be assigned attendants
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
