somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
