How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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