I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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