I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize