Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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