I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
