i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
