so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
