I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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