Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
