It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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