OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
