Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
