Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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