u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
