my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
