so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
