After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
