U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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