I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
