Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
