Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
