Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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