I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
