Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
