they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
