A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you never un-have a 4some
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
