Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
