I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
