I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
