hotel room ftw
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
