I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
