sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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