Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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