WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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