I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What drink are we having for lunch?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize