sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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