is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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