If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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