I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize