Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
