stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh god it's open bar.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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