I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
