He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
