i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
