i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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