i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
