is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
