Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
