you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
