Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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