After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
