we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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