Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
