i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
