didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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