I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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