I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
